Ah Snap!

A smart cookie never reveals his age.

My friend Ginger Snap always causes a stir when I take him into coffee shops. This week, I met him at my favorite Manhattan cafe. Customers sniffed him in line as he stood at their feet texting other ginger folk. He’s fond of emojis and sang along to the playlist of 1990s feminist ballads. Nude except for a casual bow tie and sugar accessories, he grabbed a seat and confided that he hasn’t been himself, even though the giant smile on his face says otherwise. Here, I catch him between 5K runs, something he does several times a day:

Mrs. Claus NYC: Good morning, Ginger Snap. How are you feeling today?

Ginger Snap: Crummy.

Mrs. Claus NYC: I’m so sorry to hear that.

Ginger Snap: I ate too much cookie dough this morning. I over-doughsed.

Mrs. Claus NYC: It can hurt your belly when you eat too many sweets.

Ginger Snap: Tell me about it. I can’t wait to lie down on my cookie sheet and take a nap.

Mrs. Claus NYC: You know, Ginger Snap, I don’t know much about you. How old are you?

Ginger Snap: I’m a food item. It’s not sanitary to discuss age. Do you want the New York Department of Food Safety to find me and lock me up?

Mrs. Claus NYC: Certainly not. Is that your biggest fear?

Ginger Snap: No. My biggest fear is … Shh. Come closer.

Mrs. Claus NYC: I’m listening.

Ginger Snap: Being eaten by the big guy.

Mrs. Claus NYC: You mean Santa?

Ginger Snap: Shh! He might hear you.

Mrs. Claus NYC: He’s in his toy shop. We’re here. How could he hear you?

Ginger Snap: Does Santa ever not hear cookies?

Mrs. Claus NYC: Good point.

Ginger Snap: That’s how I roll. Hey, I’ll let you take three guesses at the decade in which I was first baked.

Mrs. Claus NYC: Okay. I’m very good at this, you know. What’s your favorite band?

Ginger Snap: Oreo Speedwagon.

Mrs. Claus NYC: Aha, you’re from the late 1970s and mid 1980s, somewhere in the “I Can’t Stop This Feeling” era?

Ginger Snap: Try again.

Mrs. Claus NYC: I bet you’re gluten free like someone from the last 10 years.

Ginger Snap: Ha! I’m a total flour child.

Mrs. Claus NYC: Oh, so you’re from the 1960s.

Ginger Snap: Ah, snap.

Mrs. Claus NYC: I’m right, aren’t I?

Ginger Snap: Nope. Wrong again. That was your third try. Gotta run.

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